Female friendships are emphasized as one of the most empowering and supportive relationships in media. When a girl posts something on social media, another girl would feel obliged to rush to comment uplifting phrases like, “Slay,” “You ate,” and “Queen,” among the sea of other similar comments. When a girl is getting put down, it is another’s duty to defend them. When a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, her friend is on her side under any and all circumstances.
All of those characteristics define what a “girl’s girl” is in this society. As the name suggests, a girl’s girl is someone who enjoys being around other girls and is genuinely happy for their victories, rather than feeling jealous or competitive. In fact, there is a term of rules and regulations that consolidate what a girl’s girl must follow, called girl code.
Girl code is another idea cultivated to encourage and strengthen female friendships. It can be interpreted as unconditional support, with the most basic example being to cut off all ties with a friend’s ex-boyfriend. Another example is to never disclose a secret someone shares with you, even when it is about someone else.
However, the traits that classify someone as a girl’s girl has gone from being supportive and kind to validating objectively wrong actions. Although the idea has been built on solidarity to mitigate the harms of deep-rooted patriarchy, now, the term has developed to be used against girls who fail to assimilate into those that offer unconditional support to other girls, even those who do not know each other personally.
For boys, the standards for maintaining friendships are comparatively much lower than for girls. After anonymous interviews with five junior boys, it was uncovered that the list for “guy code” was to “not snitch on anything problematic one another does,” “not date each other’s past girlfriends,” arguably the most extreme criteria, and “not take insults personally, as they are all in good fun.” However, even for the most extreme of codes, “there are certain exceptions sometimes.”
On the other hand, girl friendships can end over lies, misunderstandings, built-up complaints, insecurities, and feelings of jealousy, among a myriad of other factors. There is a sense of warmth and affection in female friendships that is not replicable in other relationships, but over time, the restraints and so-called “rules” started to turn much of the sweetness toxic.
The character that directly contrasts a girl’s girl is a “pick me girl,” someone who strives to gain the validation of boys over, or at the expense of, girls. This antagonistic character is what many girls who do not fit the aforementioned standards of a girl’s girl are automatically sorted into.
Indeed, there are some girls who purposely embarrass others for the sake of looking better themselves, while other girls are openly supportive and loving to others. But at the end of the day, it is impossible to characterize a person into a single trending phrase as everyone is capable of feeling emotions like jealousy or hatred. However, like every other trending or overused phrase on the internet, such as “Karen” or “gaslighting,” people have begun weaponizing the phrase against people they dislike, making the term lose its original meaning altogether.
When a girl does not have the same conventional interests as others, that does not automatically make them a “pick me girl,” nor does when a girl does not unconditionally support your decisions not make them a “girl’s girl.” Teens, let’s stop the constant typecasting of people who fail to meet the expectations we ourselves may barely meet.
