Candidate: We need change! SIS needs change! And we need it as soon as possible! Vote for me as your class president!

Here we go again. A speech about change, action, etc. We’ve spent eight years watching President Obama struggle to live up to his promises. And candidate, I think you said this last year too, shortly before you were chosen. If SIS is still in need of change when you were in the council this past year it might mean that you haven’t fulfilled your own promises. Just food for thought!

On the 2015 Prom: We designed Moments to be not only resplendent and magnificent, but more graceful and unblemished than ever before. To do that, we couldn’t just shave a technicality here, an aspect there. So we started from scratch, reinventing each essential element as part of a singular, deceptively simple event. It’s everything there is to love about prom. In its purest form ever.

What is this, an advertisement for the new iPhone? Wow, it’s gotten a few millimeters thinner! Gird your loins everybody!

On cheating: Cheating at SIS is a serious problem, and we want to address it! Here’s an honor code made by the Student Improvement Committee that we want you to sign before taking your exam. Oh, and come to a presentation by our junior class president on cheating!

Because clearly, you guys are all shining examples of academic integrity, and are therefore totally qualified in giving long sermons to the unruly, immoral populace. What makes you think we’re not going to take you seriously?

Candidate: You need someone who will serve you, someone who is dedicated, responsible, etc. Someone who truly cares about his/her fellow students.

Yeah. And I suppose when you join all those community service clubs, it’s not because you want to make your college app look nice, it’s because you care so much about starving children in Africa. And when you fail to get executive positions in those clubs you’re not crying because you can’t help those poor little children, you’re crying because you can’t get into Harvard. Not that you really had a chance to begin with. Anyway, thanks for caring!

Disclaimer: All comments are in good fun. Please don’t hate. Appreciate the humor.