Snobby senior (ooh alliteration!): Why is he/she applying to MY school? He/she’s not even qualified! Look at him/her, then look at ME: look at all of MY accomplishments! You see? You see?!

Wow really wow amazing. Either you’re incredibly self-assured or incredibly insecure, or a despicable combination of both. Whatever the case is, stay away from me, for both of our sakes.

Did you hear? [Insert name] is applying early to [insert HYPS school] and [insert name] is applying early to [insert HYPS school] and [insert name] is applying early to [insert HYPS school] and [insert name] is applying early to [insert HYPS school]!

You call that news? I have news for you. [Insert name] is only applying early to Georgetown University! Wow! Isn’t that shocking! His/her standards are so low!

College apps are so hard. They take up so much of my time! I can’t get any sleep!

Not if you’re an especially privileged SIS’er and you’re getting your apps written for you.

How is it that everyone knows where I am applying?

Maybe it’s because somebody rummaged through files lying around that they weren’t supposed to rummage through, but if that’s not the case, you should have known better than to tell your diary or your little pals. At Shady International School, there are no secrets.

What is life? Why is life? Who am I and why am I here on this planet?

According to your college essays, life is a very beautiful valuable thing and you are on this planet to make Harvard a better place and this world a better place and to become a future world leader. Maybe, for convenience’s sake, you may want to stick with those lies for the following months.

Disclaimer: All comments are in good fun. Please don’t hate. Appreciate the humor.