You can’t bring up drugs or alcoholism in a school publication. Even a music review! This is a school, a learning environment. Yes, we understand. We high school students are pure and virginal and...

Snobby senior (ooh alliteration!): Why is he/she applying to MY school? He/she’s not even qualified! Look at him/her, then look at ME: look at all of MY accomplishments! You see? You see?! Wow really...

I’m going to join six clubs, get executive positions for all of them, play three sports, and get 99% minimum in all my classes and become valedictorian so that I’ll get into HYPS (Harvard, Yale, Princeton,...

Candidate: We need change! SIS needs change! And we need it as soon as possible! Vote for me as your class president! Here we go again. A speech about change, action, etc. We’ve spent eight years...

Single teen: Oh my god, nobody wants me. I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. Please. You’re a teenager, for crying out loud. You have plenty of time to get it on in the future, if that’s...

Naive teachers: I know you guys all have the same test, but I trust you won’t talk about the test to the other classes! It warms my heart to know that we still have teachers who have so much faith...